Xismosa Xit

Happy Spoopy Eve

Hello all,

Today’s newsletter is sponsored by catering to my caffeine sensitivity while also trying to partake in spice of the pumpkins.

At The Top

I’m The Top đŸ€­

đŸ–Šïž Prose and Poetry of the “Week”

🐇 Jackalope Burrows

🩉 Book BĂșho

đŸȘ¶ Quotes Quail

đŸŽ” (O)pposum Playlists

🐩‍⬛ Cuervos Chismoses

🐈‍⬛ The Void Shouts Back

Prose and Poetry of the Week

Loud Love

As I was awaiting my cousin’s second child (NOW BORN!!!!!), adding to the Virgos in my life, I enjoy being a TĂ­a. I have two cousins with children, and I am honored to be regarded as a TĂ­a. At this point in my life I don’t want children for myself, therefore I’m pressuring everyone else around me to have kids 😀 This piece is 100 words trying to encapsulate the love I have in my body, especially for the little ones in my life 💜

Buried

Now that autumn is here and I realize I haven’t written poetry in a while, I thought I’d bring back this piece. I had 2-3 people in mind while writing this. One of the things I love most about this post is actually the picture I took of the bugambilla tree/bush outside of a coffee shop in Hawthorne.

(There’s like four different spellings of the plant’s name bc language is a social construct)

Unknowing

Another poetry piece that I originally wrote in the margins of another poetry book [I’ll come back and add the title here if I remember lol] in the shape of a bookmark. Written as if a former love would find my writing and not recognize it.

The Woman of 1000 Journals

The challenge instructed that this be written about me as author after my death by someone else, so I wrote it from the perspective of (who else?) my brother 🙂 hello :3 It got Top Story! It didn’t place in the challenge, but I’m glad it got some recognition. I mentioned that the journals contain a line about others writing themselves into the world.

The Knowledge of You

Also about writing yourself into the world, and what happens when I no longer care to know about you.

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Jackalope Burrows

Things I’ve learned, laughed about, and/or obsessed over

  • OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH MYYYYYYYY GAAAAAAAWD THERE’S A NEW THERANOS/ELIZABETH HOLMES DOCUMENTARY COMING OUT AND I’M HYYYYYYYYPEEEEEEEEEE I AM GOING TO BE SOOOOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE AND I CAN’T WAIT
  • My fascination with Elizabeth Holmes/Theranos previously mentioned here, and I keep re-listening to Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup by John Carreyrou, and I keep rewatching The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley (2019) documentary on HBO Max, and I recently found out about John Carreyrou’s podcast Bad Blood: The Final Chapter except it won’t be the final chapter!!
  • The “parody” version My Husband’s Not Gay series on Adam Gold’s YT page
    • The original series this is based on was introduced to me by Kennie JD
  • I saw an ad for a sperm bank at a soccer game the other day. Had never seen one before, have you?? Besides, uh, sketchy websites
  • Earn up to $2400 per month

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Book BĂșho

What I’ve been reading/listening to bc audiobooks let me do both. Yes, comics count. And sacrilegiously, I even learn from ones I didn’t finish.

  • Have I read things? Yes. Have I updated Book BĂșho? Barely. Did I initiate a pact of mutually assured success and/or destruction to motivate myself and my competition friends to read more? Yes.
  • This has since been updated that two of us have to read two (2) physical books by October 31st to make another one of us wear pink INCLUDING a pink bow 🎀

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Quotes Quail

I’m always listening 😈 y’all are funny

You know, the funny thing about this section is that is was inspired by the favorite parts of magazines: the quotes sections. And it’s kinda fun that so many of you have said it’s your favorite part too! See if you can find yourself 👀

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  • “I got this new subway game because I want to fix Los Angeles” – f*ckin nerd
  • *One Week Later*
  • “I had this great idea for work at 2 AM on a Friday night” – nerd
  • “Was this during or after playing the subway game?” – a different nerd (me)
  • “It interrupted the subway game” – nerd
  • “So during.” – me

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  • “Before church we’re praying OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD” – dad about watching F1 before church

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  • “I was telling dad about my Sisyphus: the domino game” – oh he’s def a Latino uncle

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  • “I got a ticket in Santa Monica” – barista #1
  • “How much was it?” – barista #2
  • “$70
 I was listening to a good song!” – barista #1

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  • “They have fajitas if you want to bring attention to yourself.” – at a Oaxacan restaurant

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  • Before arriving to said restaurant, where we were meeting extended family:
  • “I’m just going to have tortillas and steal from everyone else’s plates” – me
  • “No, WE’RE going to have the pulpo” – mother
  • “Nevermind, WE’RE going to have the pulpo” – me

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  • “If you’re gonna have something disgusting you might as well have it with alcohol” – her husband about her virgin Michelada (sparkling water instead of beer). He still makes them for her though bc, idk, love or sum shit

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  • “Is that the Padres?” – cousin #1 surprisingly knowing a (1) baseball team
  • “Okay ESPN!” – cousin #2, encouraging and supportive

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  • “That’s crazy to think” – cousin #1
  • “That’s why I hate thinking” – cousin #2

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  • “Do you like your arroz con leche hot or cold?” – cousin
  • “Either” – me
  • “
 a true bisexual” – cousin

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  • “She only gives birth to villains” – cousin about their pregnant sister
  • “I think he’s going to be a September baby” – a tĂ­a
  • “Yes, a Virgo: villains!” – now two of my cousins, both September Virgos

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  • “Hot Ariana!” – co-cutie #1 about my pixie cut from 2020
  • “You’re giving me bi panic!!!” – co-cutie #2
  • “THEN GET READY” – me

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  • “NO ONE is getting their hair cut in this house TONIGHT! Wait for a PROFESSIONAL!” – mom about me desperately wanting a hair cut and almost taking up my brother who jokingly said he’d cut my hair at 8pm

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  • “If TV has taught me anything it’s that when a woman cuts her hair it’s because she’s going through something” – co-cutie
  • I meaaaaaaan life is definitely SOMETHING

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  • “She’s bossier with short hair”
  • “Excuse you! I’m the exact same amount of bossy!” – me

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  • “His family made some kind of moonshine, I think it had a lemon flavor?”
  • “Not the lemon drop moonshine” – me

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  • “I have cold water and keep it pushin” – cutie about eating fruits THAT MAKE HER MOUTH ITCH

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  • “Too soon!! 
 circle back to it though” – said to my father about whatever off-color joke he made

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  • “When I told my friend I want a PA system for the house, she said maybe we could get a Google Home” – me (But please immediately understand I do not endorse this plan.)
  • “Oh yea, El Vaquero would LOOOVEEE one of those. He’d be barking at it all the time!” – mother
  • “Barking at the Google Home?? How would he know it was there??” – me
  • “Oh, I thought you said bullhorn!!” – mom
  • “THIS IS WHY WE NEED A PA SYSTEM!!!!!!!” – me
https://www.cablify.ca/understanding-public-address-pa-system/

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  • “You know what, I’m no longer gonna be the safety net. You can get in trouble on your own, I was only doing it to keep mom safe.” – me
  • “Keep mom safe?? What about keeping ME safe??” – father
  • “You throw yourself down! Mom gets it from above!!” – me

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  • “I suppose” – my four-year-old niece. I didn’t realize four-year-olds knew the word suppose! I’m behind on child development knowledge
  • (Later)
  • “Is that chickpeas?” – same four-year-old
  • “That’s beans” – me, also not aware that four-year-olds knew about chickpeas. I didn’t know about them until…….. college?

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  • “I am but a clown” – me
  • “You went to school for it?” – co-cutie
  • “No, but there are clown scho-” – me
  • “Stolen valor!!!” – co-cutie
  • The way I SNORTED
  • “WOW, I didn’t expect that to get you so much” – co-cutie and honestly, me neither

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  • “It takes two instances of arson to get charged as a pyromaniac” – co-cutie
  • “So you have one instance?” – me
  • “No, it means I have one left” – soon-to-be pyromaniac because I believe in his dreams

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  • “You came over here just to say hi to the air conditioning!” – me
  • “It’s just an added benefit of saying hi to you” – co-cutie
  • “See, every once in a while she does love me!!”
  • “Don’t let it get to your head”
  • “Too late!!!”

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  • ^spiritual opposite to the above
  • “Are you waiting for my boss?” – me
  • “No” – annoyanceâ„ąïž
  • “So you just came to bother me? “- me
  • “No, I came over here for someone else, but bothering you was a bonus” – annoyanceâ„ąïž

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  • “Did you have to fight anyone [at Porto’s]?” – cutie
  • “I wish” – a goddamn woman
  • Would you guys believe me if I said this wasn’t me?

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  • “I want there to be a fight club at the holiday party” – co-cutie
  • “Of who??” – me
  • “Just you and [antagonist]. I’ll stay the whole party to see you fight.” – co-cutie
  • The things we do for our friends đŸ˜Ș

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  • “Starbucks has pumpkins spice out which means it’s now legally fall” – co-cutie
  • Little did he know:

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  • “Your opinion is noted and ignored. You’re getting decorated. Please do not resist.” – co-cutie about decorating for Halloween around the office, include his supervisors’
  • “Resistance is futile.” – me

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  • “Oh wow!! This is what you’ve been working on today??” – me seeing his decorating progress
  • “Yea, what else was I gonna do, work?” – co-cutie

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  • “I’m a woman of my word” – me
  • “That’s why when you threaten we listen!” – cousin

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  • “It sounds like a lot of effort for something you don’t really want”
  • oof

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  • “You were pregnant at the beginning of the pandemic?” – me
  • “She was conceived Christmas Day”
  • “We’re getting too comfortable with each other” – he says as he walks up to hear better

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  • “There’s white on your shirt. Gel?” – co-cutie #1
  • “I hope it’s gel” – me
  • “Maybe you missed with your deodorant?” – co-cutie #1
  • “Maybe. Or it might be the cocaine I had this morning.” – me (legally this is a joke)
  • “And you didn’t share!” – co-cutie #1 AND #2 simultaneously
  • “We worked next to each other for too long” – co-cutie #2
  • It’s these people again

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  • “I go on apps when I want to feel ugly” – co-cutie
  • bruh

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  • “What kind of big intellectual books do you think I read?” – antagonist
  • “I don’t know, I’m too pretty for all that” – me (yes yes I’m beautiful and intelligent, I’m here for the clownery)
  • “Maybe before your haircut”
  • “WOOOAAAH this is not for you!! This is for the girlies!!!” – me
  • “Oh we can tell”
  • He wonders why people are not afraid to call him an asshole

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  • “Not kidney issues but my kidneys like making kidney stones” – idk gurl sounds like kidney issues to me

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  • “Are you busy? I wanna talk to you so I can bitch about something – me
  • After I tell it: “is that bitching or is that just telling the truth?”
  • “It can be both.” – me

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  • “You’re late!” – co-cutie
  • “May I HELP you??” – me
  • “That’s okay, me too, she [pointing at our co-worker] almost ran me over!” – co-cutie
  • “I tried” – the one with the failed attempt

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  • “Over text I can take 20 minutes, on the phone I have to turn thought batter into word waffle”

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  • to be fair she also sends me things like below and “be cool” videos (iykyk) so the universe balances again

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Let’s count, shall we?

  • Co-cutie focusing their revenge plans on me: 11
    • last newsletter: 13
  • Co-cutie who will be wearing pink (threat): 7
    • last newsletter: 9
  • Co-cutie who wants to watch me fight so bad: 3
    • last newsletter: 2
  • Wood Nymph: 3
    • last newsletter: 2
  • MĂŒther: 3
    • last newsletter: 8
  • FĂ€ther: 2
    • last newsletter: 9
  • Co-cutie with cool tights: 0 😩
    • last newsletter: 1, but she had 4 recently

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(O)possum Playlists of the Quarter 

Here, we scream.

And, “apparently,” I listen to my short playlists for a “wildly long time”

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Cuervos Chismoses

chisme = gossip. â€e” ending instead of “o/a” in Spanish for more gender inclusion

  • I am quite grateful to my wood nymph cousin for texting me about the lunar eclipse!!
  • I went to a paint-and-sip for the first time for my bad bitch cousin’s birthday!
  • One of us squished a spider and/or added a hairy trantula, and one of us added “scientifically accurate” craters
  • Celebrated a cutie’s birthday with a craft night and there was a tiny fork đŸ„č
  • My parents got me a Gargantuan pistachio macron
  • Working on crochet project which I am TRYING to finish by Halloween but my wrist is starting to hurt, maybe bc I’m trying to do four rows per day and each row takes 30 minutes 🙃
I’m almost halfway!

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The Void Shouts Back

If you would like to respond but don’t know what to say, answer the question below. If you don’t want to, just respond with keysmashing or send me a hug with your thoughts. If you don’t want to do that either, that’s okay too.

  • I AM LOOKING FOR A PROJECT!!!!! PLEASE PROVIDE IDEAS
    • I BEG OF YOU
    • Main contender: write a book
      • I was very generously told “I would read the fuck out of that” and I think I might do it for that single comment alone
    • Funniest suggestion: “What about stand-up comedy?”
      • My immediate response: “No I’m too fragile for all that.”

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THANK YOU for reading! If you want some cheap retail therapy to go along with it, please check out my stickers.

Abrazos and/or high fives,

Ariana

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