Xismosa Xit

Thirty, Gay, and Trying Not To Panic

Hello all,

In the last few minutes of Pride Month, today’s newsletter is sponsored by

At The Top

I’m The Top 🤭

🖊️ Prose and Poetry of the “Week”

🐇 Jackalope Burrows

🦉 Book Búho

🪶 Quotes Quail

🎵 (O)pposum Playlists

🐦‍⬛ Cuervos Chismoses

🐈‍⬛ The Void Shouts Back

Prose and Poetry of the Week: Queerly Beloved

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This edition is about queer throwbacks!

A Gem, A Witch, and an 8 Foot Tall Lesbian

This is about the kids shows I was watching in my early 20s, which I have also recently rewatched. They have wonderful messages of acceptance, to the point where queerness is not something you have to “come out” about – it just IS. Also hehe pretty ladies&theydies

https://www.tumblr.com/bringmetoquiznack/618393941193162752/they-spent-all-of-the-budget-in-this-shot

Non-Chronological Queer Looking for a Decolonized House

This is my theory about how in colonized societies (ahem, antagonistically to the above), queer people, especially trans people, have to revert back to childhood in terms of exploring their sexuality – like crushes, or second puberty. They have to revert back because colonized society makes them hide themselves, instead of allowing them to accept themselves and explore without hatred.

The writing is quite stream of consciousness (even more so than usual – the piece is 6 years old!), complete with many grammar mistakes and missing words from typing so fast and just pressing “publish.”

I’m not sure this explanation even makes sense… queers and straights, please let me know! I am open to re-writing so I can be understood.

Carnival Godmothers

It speaks to a little girl who wants to be herself, a mother who supports her, and the little girl knowing that Goddess will still love her mother.

I thought I wrote this in college, but apparently I wrote it in high school and only published it to a friend’s zine in college which I have now lost and can no longer find online 💔 (This is not meant as a queer allegory, but life does tend to bleed into writing. I was out in middle school in SoCal, but was not out in high school in AZ.)

My writing has been inspired by Sandra Cisneros since middle school, and I wonder if those of you who also love her will see her influence.

Enchanted Chocolate

This one is meant to be a cute gay romcom 🥰 Cue matcha jokes. Also brujería.

Pink Reduction

A poem about being mestiza, a woman, and queer (specifically bisexual), and how pink infiltrates each of those experiences.

Jackalope Burrows

Things I’ve learned, laughed about, and/or obsessed over

keke palmer and sean evans
  • Trying to make a list of movies that can be seen as a queer metaphor that are not about queerness. Please contribute!
    • Luca (2021)
    • K-Pop Demon Hunters (2025)
      • “WHY COULDN’T YOU LOVE ME”
      • “I do!”
      • “ALL OF ME!“
  • The Olurinattiverse, especially with Kennie JD

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Quotes Quail

I’m always listening 😈 y’all are funny

You know, the funny thing about this section is that is was inspired by the favorite parts of magazines: the quotes sections. And it’s kinda fun that so many of you have said it’s your favorite part too! See if you can find yourself 👀

And, this is the page I always think of in the magazines:

🪶

  • “You didn’t think!” – mom
  • “I thought! I thought there wouldn’t be anyone!” – dad about PORTO’S on a SATURDAY  
  • “It’s Porto’s fault! It’s always like this 🤌🏽 especially on Saturdays!” – also dad!!

🪶

  • “Did you remember to say with no cheese?” – my mom, who likes cheese, but sometimes remembers more often than my father that he does NOT like cheese
  • *starts to shake, then* “no 😇” – father  

🪶

  • “Not the gaslighting! That sounds like manipulation because I would do it too” – bestie about me asking her to text me when she got home even though we have each other’s location on two apps

🪶

  • “What’s the point of going to war if you’re just going to agree with me?”
  • “You’re at war with yourself and I’m on your side” – me  😇  

🪶

  • “Skipping rocks and stoning rocks are different, but they’re both for entertainment” – co-cutie

🪶

  • “You can’t make YOUR thoughts OUR problem” – me to an annoyance  

🪶

  • “Do you have a friend for them?” – about dating
  • “Who deserves? For better or worse?”   

🪶

  • “I always want your team to win my love” – father
  • “Mentiroso!” – mother (“liar!”)
  • “Happy Blue Jays, Happy Wife!” – father, saving his skin  

🪶

  • “Why do you have a different bag?” – me
  • “Some things happened! 😭” – co-cutie

🪶

  • “I’m gonna start charging pay-per-view” – co-cutie
  • “Only if I get the winnings” – me
  • Y’all know I’m always ready to fight
  • like a chihuahua

🪶

  • “Lids are a concept!” – co-cutie to a friend about using an open mug in his car  

🪶

  • “No te dejaron ladrar en paz Vaquero? 🥺” – dad to El Vaquero
  • “They didn’t let you bark in peace Vaquero? 🥺”

🪶

  • “I think I just want a sponsor. We’ll see each other once a month and I don’t really need to do anything.” – co-cutie about dating  
  • “Nevermind, I’m going back on the apps and the only thing is my bio is ‘looking for a sponsor’” – me

🪶

  • “We are not commercials, we are artists!” – Mannequin Pussy, pre-show to Florence + The Machine

🪶

  • My mom, merely standing up while trying on heels and saying “okay, they fit, let’s go!”
  • Mine and my cuñada’s instinctual reaction: “WOAH remember when you all used to tell us we had to walk around to make sure we liked them?”
  • So my mom went:
  • Later: “Oh, we forgot!” *checks her toe*

🪶

  • *snore*
  • “You asleep?” – me
  • “No, I could feel you all looking at me” – beaner
  • “Almost like we were looking at you because you snored.”

🪶

  • “If anyone wants to date me, they have to treat me better than I treat myself and I treat myself damn well” – me picking out a “wedding set” of rings for myself, because they glitter ✨

🪶

  • “She has a Ph.D!” – me to a student about my mom!
  • “Oh wow!” – student
  • “And did you ask where she went to school?” – me
  • “OOOOOOOOO!” – the audience
  • The student was worried about going to a school that didn’t have much “name recognition”  

🪶

  • “I can’t hear your drainage?” – a baby queer on the phone with a love interest who didn’t want to keep talking while she peed 😭😭😭

🪶

  • “Do you have a better pictures of her?”  
  • “No.”
  • “But you have her location?”
  • “Yea.”  

🪶

  • “You’re making it hard to be on your side”

🪶

  • “I need a new phone, and free is what I can afford” – me, apparently  

🪶

  • “Yappacchino” – from my cousin’s fourth grade students

🪶

  • “I feinted and was a fool” – my cousin (who was always better than us at video games growing up) about the Eevee N64 mini-game (video was uploaded 17 years ago, AKA 2008 🙃🙃🙃) (a clearer version but in German, only uploaded 7 years ago, AKA 2018)
  • Eevee animation where chaos ensues
  • (also, for the YouTube video showing the mini-game, I wonder if they had to go from
    • VHS recording >> VHS to digital adapter/dongle >> Quicktime player >> upload
    • OR
    • DVD recording >> computer’s DVD player >> Quicktime player >> upload
    • You can tell I’m a cusp Zellenial bc I know how to work a VHS player, but now how to transfer that information digitally)

🪶

  • “Hot girls hit curbs” – me about a bumper sticker seen recently  
  • “We don’t hit them, they kiss us.” – cutie stating facts

🪶

  • “I asked what time you go to sleep and you said ‘that’s a  Complex and personal  question” and I had to know more!” – my cousin about my “sleep is boring sometimes” comment

🪶

  • “Era especial.” – my father about not liking crema but liking pan dulce empanadas de crema while growing up
  • “ERA?” – me
  • “I was  special”
  • “WAS?”

🪶

  • “He doesn’t know what I look like because we only talk on the phone” – my Nana about Will Smith, catcher for the Dodgers, her “boyfriend”  

🪶

  • In 2020: Conversation with my father and brother about 50 Shades of Grey and if it still counted as Twilight fan fiction because names had to be changed
  • In 2026: Me explaining Mormon doctrine to my father to explain Twilight, and vise versa

🪶

  • “He always has the longest answers, just answer the question!” – my dad while we were watching Jeopardy
  • “You don’t like this guy! Why??” – me about Chris D’Angelo (his students used to call him Clark Kent)
  • “He’s wearing a sweater!!” – father

🪶

  • “Fighting white people is one of my favorite hobbies”
  • “So that’s why you married one! So that you could keep fighting and keep up with your hobby” – me

🪶

  • “She’s stepping on my shoes” – co-cutie complaining about me to another co-cutie
  • “You’re not acknowledging me!!” – me
  • “I’m gonna step on yours and ruin your shoes!”
  • “Your shoes are fine!” – me, while running away
  • “YOU DONT KNOW THAT 😭”
  • I didn’t know I had little sister energy in me! (I’m sure all of you will disagree)

🪶

  • “Oh to be rich” – me
  • “We are rich in spirit” – co-cutie #1
  • “Oh I’m WEALTHY in spirit” – me
  • “I’m poor in that” – co-cutie #2

🪶

  • “You look radiant”  
  • “It’s the filter” – about a picture from her college graduation  

🪶

  • “You’re an aggressive inviter” – father
  • “I’m aggressively welcoming” – me  

🪶

  • “There are cats bigger than Lala!” – me
  • “All cats.” – cousin
  • “Lala hated cats.” – father
  • “On principle.” – cousin

🪶

  • “You’re lucky my nails are short right now” – me while helping a cutie move
  • “Thank you for being gay 🙂‍↕️”
  • IT WASN’T EVEN FOR THAT 😭😭😭

🪶

Buzzballs strike again
  • I’m sorry, just noticing, at 3:23 PM???? Not even AM????
  • Thank you to the one who submitted the screenshot 😂 And for the chulo who had to recover from the BuzzBalls: best of luck

🪶

🪶

  • “Soy particular” – me (“I’m particular”)
  • “You? Noooooo” – cousin

🪶

  • “I’m gonna say the most Latino thing: I’m at my cousin’s boyfriend’s sister’s surprise baby shower” – me
  • “Naturally.” – Non-Latine friend, but has a Latina partner

🪶

  • During the Mexico vs South Africa game:
  • “Do you know how to do that ay yi yi yi yi thing” – co-cutie #1
  • “Every Mexican knows how to in their soul” – La Mexicana 🇲🇽
  • “The only time I do it authentically is on accident” – me
  • “Like I said: in their SOUL” – La Mexicana 🇲🇽
  • Also:  
  • “She is getting more Mexican by the minute!!!!” – me about La Mexicana 🇲🇽
  • Bonus: “Is basketball ADD-coded?” – non-fútbol fan while we were watching the game

🪶

  • “Is something different about your face?”
  • “I don’t have my glasses on, I have contacts.” – me
  • “I thought you look looked especially doe-eyed!”

🪶

  • “I’m here, nobody’s home tho.”  

🪶

  • “That’s why I don’t use cups here. I use my hands.”

🪶

  • “What’s your favorite Balkin country?” – me (my first mistake)
  • “Albania.”
  • “Why?” – me (my second mistake)
  • “Because in 1500-“
  • “FIFTEEN HUNDRED???!!! OH YOU KNOW WHAT, THAT’S ON ME, I DON’T KNOW WHY IM SURPRISED BY THAT ANSWER, THAT IS TOTALLY MY BAD AT BEING SURPRISED” – me
  • *continues to laugh at his own ridiculousness* “Who else would start with ‘in 1500’???? You’re laughing because you know that this is my world view!”
  • We laughed until he coughed up a lung. His payment to me.

🪶

🪶

watermelon, queen and her child

🪶

  • “Entiende todo, que lo hace es otra cosa” – my mom about my nephew
  • “He understands everything, that he does it is another thing”

🪶

  • “Why are you busy at Love Island hours??” – cutie about friend not watching in time to avoid spoilers

🪶

  • “They don’t have to be a gay man”
  • “No, they’re dating!!” – about their gay bonbones hanging off the rearview mirror

🪶

🪶

  • “I’m built like a green bean” – hence, he was shivering and I was chillin  

🪶

  • “This team is allergic to momentum.” – Red Sox commentator  about the Red Sox 😭  
  • See also: “Civilizations rise and fall in the time it takes this guy to prepare a pitch” – Red Sox commentator about a pitcher on another team, before they put in the pitch countdown timer

🪶

  • Coming in to watch the game, he goes, unprompted: “Ariana, don’t take this the wrong way, but you are 2 minutes of overtime”
  • “What does that mean??” – me AND co-cutie because SHE VALIDATES ME sometimes
  • “I don’t know, but don’t take it the wrong way.”

🪶

  • “He’s four chili spicy today”
  • “Yea, usually he’s three” – me about our maestro

🪶

  • “Like apple cider coughed” – me describing Apple Pie Seltzer, as provided to me by a co-cutie

🪶

  • “I used to color code” – me
  • “USED TO?” – parents
  • “It got too unwieldy”
  • “This goes in your quoteables” – father

🪶

  • My nephew when we ask him what his favorite color is:

🪶

  • “Wow it’s only 85 degrees! Just kidding, wrong city, it’s 105” – he misread Philly for Phoenix 😭  

🪶

  • “I only drink once a month” – co-cutie #1
  • “For her a month is 24 hours!” – co-cutie #2  

🪶

  • “Did you go to Dyke Day?” – new friend
  • “Yes!” – me
  • “Wait, how did you know I went to Dyke Day, or that I would go to Dyke Day?” – me
  • *gestures at, uh, my essence* “Your vibe.”
  • once again: read for filth

🪶

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(O)possum Playlists of the Quarter  

Here, we scream.

And, “apparently,” I listen to my short playlists for a “wildly long time”

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https://www.tumblr.com/bimtimtom/782278116568711168/pale-pale-moon

Cuervos Chismoses

chisme = gossip.  ”e” ending instead of “o/a” in Spanish for more gender inclusion

  • I AM T H I R T Y, F L I R T Y, AND T H R I V I N G!!!!
  • Or, as my cousin said: “Thirty,  Thirsty, And Nasty!”
  • I went to Drag Brunch for a bestie’s 30th birthday as well, and they won the improptu BOOTY SHAKING CONTEST!!!!
  • SO MUCH SO, THAT THE HOSTING DRAG QUEEN, MISTY VIOLET, QUEEN OF STUPID, SAID:
  • I BUILT THAT GIF WITH MY OWN HANDS
  • (I also realized I recognized her from the Try Guys Drag Queen episode lol)
  • At that same show, drag queen Jo Lopez danced on my their spouse, and when we pointed that out she said, “That’s your wife? NOT ANYMORE, CUNT!”
  • Haaaaaaveeeeeee you seen my Scooby-Doo purse? (slide through ->>)
  • I finally took a sewing class, after years of seeing outfits that would look great one me but not my wallet (think $300), and just going “I’ll just make this”. Once I have the skills and knowledge to make my own outfits, it’s over for you hoes
  • Got make-up tips from the Florence + The Machine concert (slide through ->>)
  • I also went to The Crane Wives concert, where the audience was younger and only slightly more queer than I thought it would be, and it was more diverse in terms of disability too! A few colorful canes in use. But please view evidence that I was in the right place (slide through):
  • The FIFA World Cup started! (slide through)

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The Void Shouts Back

If you would like to respond but don’t know what to say, answer the question below. If you don’t want to, just respond with keysmashing or send me a hug with your thoughts. If you don’t want to do that either, that’s okay too.

  • Que chisme tienes pa’ mi? 👀

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HAPPY 51ST EDITION!!! (not 50th bc I didn’t notice in time!!!)

I can’t believe this is #51!! With the 5(!!!) year anniversary of this blog coming up in August, I am so grateful to you all for not asking to unsubscribe 💜 I am especially grateful to those of you who bring it up without me fishing for compliments 💜💜💜 I’m so glad you enjoy this, because I love making this, and I hope it makes the void of the internet less lonely.

Remember: just because it’s not Pride by the time you’re reading this, we’re still the fuck here.

THANK YOU for reading! If you want some cheap retail therapy to go along with it, please check out my  stickers.

Abrazos and/or high fives,

Ariana

insane pull from “The Happy Place Show by GIPHY Studios“

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