Correct, Chisme and Kirby are mostly unrelated.
Hello all,
Today’s newsletter is sponsored by the vague concept of consistency.
*** Content Warning: Pet Death at the triple asterisks, in Cuervos Chismoses ***
Prose and Poetry of the Week
In March I celebrated myself by saving up and taking myself to a steakhouse in Santa Monica. They seated me perfectly so I could watch the sunset. It was one of the most romantic things I’ve done for myself.
In this story, I anthropomorphize reasons. I wasn’t aiming for it to be a Top Story, I just wanted to get it out, but I feel validated that strangers resonated with it.
Wildly, much like the last newsletter, another one of my stories won runner-up in a challenge! I write about my writing process on this particular story from stream of consciousness to final product, which I just so happened to start at my brother’s class [ad?]!
Jackalope Burrows
Things I’ve learned, laughed about, and/or obsessed over
- Oh to be canonically 5 apples tall
- I found another recruit for the skeleton army, and he’s festive!
- I… can’t even begin… to imagine how to even start this
- For the following, please understand that I had to:
- Find my external hard drive
- DIG for my TikiTaki album
- Get DISTRACTED by all the funny little early pandemic TikiTaki videos I saved
- Make a new folder narrowing down my favorites
- Make ANOTHER folder narrowing done my favorites from THOSE
- DECIDE that it’s going to take way too much time to put all of those into a compilation video
- FINALLY UPLOAD the video I was ORIGINALLY DIGGING FOR
- Here it is 🙂
- All so I can make sure that YOU know the reference to understand THIS meme:
- ^ Yeah, I know there’s a shitton of other TikiTaki videos of the same thing but this one is my favorite
- ^ Could you have also understood the reference if you watched the movie? I mean yea, but-
- One day I’ll consolidate my feelings on friendships into yet another album but for now:
It’s Kirby Time!!!
Special Edition
- have y’all thought about how I could have just made all these images a swipe-through slideshow but I wanted you to have to look through my Kirby collection instead?
- And yet: NO TREAT!!!
- And lastly:
Book Búho
What I’ve been reading/listening to bc audiobooks let me do both. Yes, comics count. And sacrilegiously, I even learn from ones I didn’t finish.
UP AND COMING: MY FRIEND’S BOOK!! I’LL ADVERTISE IT AGAIN IN NOVEMBER!!!!!!! PRE-ORDER HERE!!!!!
Quotes Quail
I’m always listening 😈 y’all are funny
- “If I’m having a mental breakdown because my husband encouraged me to date another man so he could sleep with his ex-girlfriend and then he tries to make it up to me with a puppet show I would cut off that hand with a kitchen knife SO QUICK and there would be no more puppet show.” – withcindy in Rich lady opens up about her open marriage and it has more red flads than a carnival (15:40)
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- “I’ve very pro-you-being-a-menace” – omg thank you 🥰
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- “A hoe never gets cold” – me
- “We’re thoroughly insulated” – Hoe #2
- “Because she’s in heat” – Hoe #3
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- “He doesn’t even know what alter he’s praying to, that messy man”
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- “If your father started a journal today until he was one hundred, he still wouldn’t get to 63 journals” – my mother about my “impressive” number of journals I’ve finished since 2020
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- “60 month Gouda” – me, about my new discount cheese
- “That’s how long it takes people to pay off their car payment” – Mother
- *hysterical laughing because who the fuck else would’ve thought of that*
- “Car title cheese” – Father
- “I would’ve said that’s the age your child goes to kindergarten” – Father again
- “Kindergarten cheese” – me, the cheese fiend
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- “I wonder if they let you do remote or if you have to sit in the tree” – my father about the Big Bear Bald Eagle live stream
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- “Imagine its the ’80s: you’re addicted to gambling”
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- “I run as a side quest” – so she can kick ass at jiu-jitsu
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- “You deserve so much better. And that’s a threat.” – she kicks my ass too
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- In A Single Conversation:
- “They don’t have the range” – about many cis-hetero-men lacking the understanding of deep platonic love
- “You’re cis AND straight? Pick a struggle.”
- “I don’t know how to forage! Or woodwork!!” – about contributing to post-economic-crash society
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- “Girlfriend. Oh wait! Gluten-free” – a 54yo reading a list of ingredients
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- “Mi carita!!” – a 54yo playing with his food
- (“my little face!!”)
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- “I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop” – me
- “Well it’ll drop, but it depends if it a chancla or a stiletto” – the professional woman who does me the favor of listening to me once a week
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- “What would you do if you met Shohei Otani?
- “I’d faint. So he’d pick me up” – my NANA
- GURL IT’S SHOHEI OTANI!!!!!!
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- I have been informed that the guy’s vest says “Sea Lion Control” 😎
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- “I need to do my 🎶taxes🎶. I also need to pay my 🎶car registration🎶” – me
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- “I’ve never seen someone hate-puzzle but after this call he hate-puzzled”
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- “He’s the welcoming committee for his own fan club” – about my nephew waving hello to all the world
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- “When you watch severance, watch episode 2 first” – Person who can actually make it through a series (therefore, not me)
- “I’m sure they did it for a reason” – me
- “It’s not a good reason”
- (A few days later)
- “Yea start with the first episode”
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- “Get squeaky in the club” – me about a latex outfit at the mall
- “You get stuck to me, I’m all sweaty” – club cutie
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- “These people don’t choose each other but neither do they let go”
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- “Did you mean it?” – me
- “No I was salty as shit”
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- “It’s a detoxing cough” – disclaimer: this was not me. Hope y’all had a safe 4/20
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- “Her beep is embarrassing! I feel like it should be a BEEP BEEP” – club cutie about her cute car
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- “He backdated his ‘I love you’” – about a little sister dating some dude who said “I love you” AFTER he traversed Europe on their “break”
- Also: “Advice number one: you’re not his mom or his therapist; you can’t do shit for him, but you can be supportive.”
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- “Mourn for the parts of you that are lovable but were never loved” – from a video titled “You Don’t Want Love – You Want To Be Picked So You Feel Worthy” because SHIT!!!
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- “My type is a [person] who is excited to take care of me” – Caroline Winkler in this video
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- “And you can quote me.” – The Beaner, but I can’t remember about what 🙃
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- “I like me a tree” – a bestie (who is my height) when she dates tall guys
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- “Look at that frontal lobe plugging in!” – my therapist about me making slightly more nuanced decisions
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(O)possum Playlists of the Quarter
Here, we scream.
And, “apparently,” I listen to my short playlists for a “wildly long time”
- Let’s see where this goes
- Mostly The Black Keys
- OK GO music video in the car
- Numb Little Bug
- reconnecting with my indie pop roots
- DENIAL IS A RIVER
Cuervos Chismoses
chisme = gossip. ”e” ending instead of “o/a” in Spanish for more gender inclusion
*** PET DEATH ***
- *** My sweet baby/mob boss Lala passed away on April 9th. She had lots of visitors and Facetime calls on her last day. We are so blessed that she was so loved, and so many asked her to say hello to their own beloved pets who joined us for a fraction of our lifetime but are loved lifelong.
- As a trusted one said in Lala’s honor: “That bitch was spoiled”***
- Giant cactus!
- Related: my progress in Seek!
- A rose on my desk 🌹
The Void Shouts Back
If you would like to respond but don’t know what to say, answer the question below. If you don’t want to, just respond with keysmashing or send me a hug with your thoughts. If you don’t want to do that either, that’s okay too.
- How do you ~romance yourself~?
- OR especially for my people of color at the front: how have people misspelled your name? I felt like I should be in Eragon for this one.
Thank you for reading! If you want some cheap retail therapy to go along with it, please check out my stickers.
Abrazos and/or high fives,
Ariana
Xismosa Xit 
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